Logan’s Story
by Kristin Mullen
I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby and my husband and I were at the doctor’s office for our most exciting appointment so far, a sonogram to find out the gender. I knew something was wrong when the technician asked me to undress because she could not see all she needed to with an abdominal sonogram. When she finished with the exam, she announced to us that we were having a boy, but that we needed to head back over to the doctor’s office. My heart sank. My excitement for my baby boy was overshadowed by my overwhelming fear of what the doctor needed to tell us. We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, not saying a word. When the nurse finally called us back into a room she showed us the sonogram pictures and explained that my cervix was not holding the baby in. I needed to see a specialist and they had met up an emergency visit.
Fortunately, the specialist was in the same building, so we headed upstairs to sit in another waiting room. What was supposed to be the most exciting appointment had become a nightmare. The specialist was very concerned with how thin my cervix was and explained that I could go into labor at any moment. She demanded bed rest, however I was a third grade teacher and wasn’t prepared to not be returning to work. My pregnancy had been great so far, I didn’t even suffer from morning sickness!
The next week was spent at home, lying in bed and worrying about this pregnancy. After meeting with the specialist again, I was admitted into the hospital. I had surgery to place stitches in my cervix to try and keep it closed. I was beyond scared and tried not to cry as the nurse wheeled me over the sky bridge to the hospital.
The first week in the hospital, I refused all entertainment and visitors because I was convinced I would be going home soon to finish the rest of my pregnancy. The second week I realized that I was not going home until I had my baby. The goal became keeping the baby in my belly as long as possible. I made it 29 days.
On March 20, 2014 Logan Douglas Mullen entered this world at a whopping 2.5 pounds. He was immediately put on a ventilator because he unable to breath on his own. My husband and I learned more things about the human body and hospital procedure than we had ever dreamed. We were excited and overwhelmed at the same time. We just wanted to do everything we could to be his parents, even if that meant sitting by his side and changing his diaper every three hours.
I wanted Logan to know that God would give him the strength he needed, and I prayed Psalm 46:1 over him often. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1, ESV).
I would love to tell you this is the part of the story where Logan got stronger every day and we eventually brought home a healthy baby boy, however, our story does not have that kind of happy ending. Logan did have really good days, but those were usually followed by times of crisis. For 6 months we were on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Finally, on October 3, 2014, I pleaded with doctors to tell me if I would ever take my baby home. When they could not give a definitive yes, my husband and I made the hardest decision we will ever have to make.
We spent the rest of that day sharing him with family. We laughed, cried, talked about how amazing he was and reflected on how blessed we were to have a room full of people that he brought into our lives. We withdrew care that evening and he went to heaven minutes later.
To many, our story sounds like a tragedy, but he is no longer in a hospital room, pumped full of medications, and hooked to multiple machines. He is free, safe with his heavenly father. Logan was here to teach us so many things about life and love in his short life and now God wants us to share.
My husband and I now have two children. Lawson is 3 and Landry will be 2 in December. I believe that we are the parents we are today because of Logan. He taught us so much about ourselves and our strength as a couple. He will always be our first born and for that we are grateful.